


A Time Lord's Guide To Misusing Social Media

by queenhawke



Series: Assorted correspondences between Professor River Song and her husband [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-03-14 15:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13593342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenhawke/pseuds/queenhawke
Summary: River and the Doctor go on social media. It goes about as well as you expect.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so big ol' shoutout to user [stardust_rain](http://archiveofourown.org/users/stardust_rain/pseuds/stardust_rain), who wrote an amazing [Rivers of London/GBBO fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8243918/chapters/18891203) that inspired this one (except where they wrote a beautiful fic which was not only funny and cute, but also commented on the state of ethics in British journalism, mine is gonna be 100% pure shitposting). All the code I used for this fic is cribbed from theirs, I didn't come up with any of it. 
> 
> I was just gonna make this a regular chapter of the 'Assorted correspondences...' fic, but I realised quickly that this was gonna require multiple chapters, hence why I've done it like this. Seemed more convenient. Also, it's more Pond family centered than just River/Doctor so there.
> 
> You gotta have Creator Style on for this fic, otherwise all my fancy formatting was for nothing.

_A collection of online conversations, which took place between between January and August 2016, spread across an assortment of social media services._  
_To give more context, posts made by people other than Professor Song and the Doctor were also included. The posts made by Professor Song, the Doctor, Amelia Pond and Rory Williams, and associated accounts were permanently removed as of 28-08-2016, however screencaptures were graciously provided by the Unified Intelligence Taskforce._  
_See the index for a full glossary of accounts and their owners._

 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
Top Ten Destinations To Visit If You're A Broke Millennial travlmag.com/amypond/top-ten-dest...

the doctor @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
this doesn't seem like a helpful article to humans, Pond. not a lot of them reach the age of 1,000.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
ha ha

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
wait doctor what the fuck??? is that you??

the doctor @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Yes, hello!! Also, oi, language

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
you're on twitter?? why are you on twitter. what's happening. @rorywilliams are you aware of this??

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @madmaninabox  
my fault. thought it'd be fun to get on social media, since we're gonna be stuck here for a while.

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
sweetie, what did i say about not using your name

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
what do u mean 'stuck here for a while'?

the doctor @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
TARDIS has developed a fault. Might be a few weeks :(

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
Hi River!! Sorry, didn't realise it would actually show my name!!! I'll change it

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
a few weeks?? what did you do, fly through a supernova? (also river what's up with ur @ lmao)

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @madmaninabox  
just an injoke. but i'll DM you about the situation

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
i can't believe you two got twitter. this is a disaster waiting to happen

Rory @rorywilliams  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
i leave for half an hour and this happens

 

 

Nurse Problem #34

nursewithacurse:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> when your in-law shows up at work and tries to "bond" with your patients. yeah you're a doctor, you're also a giant spacecase. please go you're making the old folks nervous by going on about how fragile human lungs are
> 
> this is... more specific than usual but yea all nurses know That kind of doctor lmao

source: nurseproblems   #there's a weird one in every hospital #mine was called Jeremy and he looooved talking about all the horrible things he'd treated #like that's interesting pal but i dont think this pregnant lady needs to know about the man with the giant anal infection  
 **7 notes**

 

 

Rory @rorywilliams  
@madmaninabox, @sistercantica perhaps it's an idea to lock your accounts?

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
but i wanna smack talk celebrities

Rory @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica  
river, no

 

 

 

 

john smith @madmaninabox  
@impossiblepond Hi Amy, me and River are gonna have to crash at your place for a bit. We'll be there in about 20 minutes.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
can't you just stay in the tardis? we've got visitors this weekend, so now's not really a good time

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
TARDIS is uh. hm. Not a great place to stay right now. Quite a bit of fire/smoke. She'll sort herself out but she needs some time.

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
also what do you mean, visitors?

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
visitors as in friends that are staying in over. we do interact with people other than you, you know. normal people

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Well then what are we supposed to do? Sleep in the streets? :(

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
just get a hotel you idiot

john smith @madmaninabox  
@sistercantica Amy says to get a hotel :(

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
you don't have to use twitter for everything you know. i'm sitting right next to you. just talk.

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
Well why did you make me get a twitter then.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
river's got a point tho, there's no need to use twitter, you can just text/call me

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
You're both no fun.

Rory @rorywilliams  
@madmaninabox whatever happened to keeping yourself off the universe's records

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
It's just Twitter. And I'm not even using my real name. Or my real fake name!! :D

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
at the very least just lock your account. Amy's got quite a lot of followers, don't really want them seeing your tweets

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
But I want to send celebrities nice messages :(

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
no

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Alright, alright, I'll look into it

 

 

Nurse Problem #35

nurseproblems:

> no, you may not borrow my uniform. no, you were not "just curious how it fits", you want it for bedroom roleplay with my daughter and frankly even typing those words makes me want to set fire to the entire house

source: nurseproblems   #lmaoooo #tho huh nurseproblems you have a daughter? #always thought you were in your 20s #themoreyouknow.gif  
 **34 notes**

 

 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
@madmaninabox, @sistercantica me and rory are gonna go to a museum. wanna come with?

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
sure, sounds fun!

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Anything to stave off the crushing boredom.

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Oooh wait, you think they've got anything of mine?

 

 

 

 

 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
always like visiting egypt, good excuse to get my cleopatra disguise out. i mean, it's not much use in 2016, but still

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica  
the hell are you doing in egypt??? shouldn't you be fixing the tardis?

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
can't. she needs to stabilise first

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica  
so you thought you'd go to egypt

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
we were bored

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica  
christ. okay well, stay safe

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
you know we never do

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
speaking of which i gotta go radio silent for a bit, my idiot husband got himself trapped in a tomb. tweet ya later!

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica, @rorywilliams  
you know the wifi in here is pretty decent

 

 

 

 

 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
what's it called when you have to babysit two full-grown adults

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
don't subtweet me

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
THEN STOP DOING CRIMES WHEN WE'RE NOT LOOKING

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
i wouldn't have to do any crimes if you'd just let us borrow your car

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
just take public transport...... or walk..... just dont sTEAL THINGS PLEASE this is 10th grade all over again

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
relax, it's not like we're gonna get caught

 

Nurse Problem #38

nurseproblems:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> when you're finally starting to gain the trust of a patient who has been very difficult and then you get a phonecall and when you ask who it is they say it's from the local police station and it turns out your adult daughter and her IDIOT HUSBAND got caught 1. stealing a car and 2. trying to stop a police officer from harassing a young woman (which. ok that's fair) and 3. PUNCHING SAID OFFICER IN THE FACE and 4. NOT EVEN BEING SMART ENOUGH TO RUN AWAY WHEN BACKUP CAME BC MY DAUGHTER'S IDIOT HUSBAND THOUGHT HE COULD 'TALK IT OUT' and now you're gonna have to bail them out and that patient is gonna think your family is full of criminals (again.... fair) and that you're a criminal too (ABSOLUTELY NOT) and now they'll never trust you again and all that hard work was for nothing and YOU KNOW WHAT IT WASN'T EVEN WORTH IT TO BEGIN WITH I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON THOSE GALLSTONES MR BELL
> 
> sorry i had a long night

source: nurseproblems   #idk nurseproblems ur daughter sounds like a hero to me  
 **87 notes**

 

prequelmemester:

> lads, do urself a favour and follow @nurseproblems bc that blog started as Relateable Nurse Problems but it's slowly devolving into the blog's owner having a mental breakdown about his family and frankly it's beautiful

source: prequelmemester   #he should be proud tho #his daughter punched a cop like im gay for her already  
 **74 notes**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things continue to not go so great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Rory/Eleven fic now I'm sorry I tricked you all

john smith @madmaninabox  
@sistercantica morning dear  
  


Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
OH NO NO NO NONE OF THIS

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
GET THIS FILTH OFF MY TIMELINE

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @madmaninabox  
haha oh boy

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
What did I do now?!

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
sweetie, amy can see that picture

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
No she can't, I sent it to you

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
no, you just @'d me. the tweet shows up on the timelines of anyone who follows both of us

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
YEs IT DOES AND IT IS ETCHED ONTO MY EYELIDS FOREVER

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
DOCTOR WHY

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
Rory can see it too??

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
YES RORY CAN SEE IT TOO AND RORY HATES SEEING IT

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
if you only want me to see it you'll have to send me a direct message. go through your messages tab, not your timeline

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
Oh I see. I'll use that from now on then :)

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
yeah just slide into my DMs babe ;)

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
1100 years old and he can't even fuckin work twitter

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
feel like i should just not use twitter for a while. one of you (the doctor) is gonna slip up and i'll end up accidentally seeing a dick pic or smth. i dont need that kinda stress in my life

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
does he even have a dick tho? i mean he's an alien 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
we are not having this conversation

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
we'll be good, promise

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
rule 1: you're both liars

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
AND LOCK YOUR ACCOUNTS

 

 

Nurse Problem #41

nurseproblems:

> iceinherheart-kissonherlips:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> when you're distracted at work bc your son-in-law sent accidentally tweeted a nude pic of himself (nothing below the waist thank god) that he'd meant to send to your daughter and it's not like you've never seen him shirtless before bc he's a bit of an exhibitionist but it's just the context of him sending a sexy photo to your DAUGHTER which makes it Highly Uncomfortable and god social media was a mistake
>> 
>> is he hot tho
> 
> THAT'S THE WORST PART HE KINDA IS

source: nurseproblems   #sdjfdkjg #this sounds like the start of some bad gay porno #DONT FUCK UR SON-IN-LAW NURSEPROBLEMS  
 **112 notes**

 

 

john smith @madmaninabox  
@rorywilliams Rory, how about we go do something fun together, just the two of us?

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
...why

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Well, River and Amy had their little mother-daughter bonding dinner yesterday, I thought we could do something like that! :D

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
I dunno, you're no good at normal dinner stuff. we'll end up in the middle of an alien invasion somehow

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
C'moooon have a little faith :D Doesn't have to be dinner, we could... do sports?

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
"do sports"?

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Yes! Sports and then afterwards we go to the pub. That's what human men are supposed to do, right?

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
...are you getting your information about human gender roles from the 50s or something

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Uh, more the 60s. And I spent some time in the 70s (or the 80s? Might have been the 80s)

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
right ok so this is the 21st century and human men can do more than just sports and the pub now

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Great :D Means more options for us. So what do you want to do?

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
...i mean i guess going to the pub could be fun

 

 

nurseproblems:

> i,ve made.,.... amistake

source: nurseproblems  
 **5 notes**

 

lokitrashforever:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> OOOOHHH I:ve MADE A JBIG MISTKAE BOYS
> 
> aight nurseproblems who did you kill

source: nurseproblems #ok i dont know what's going on #but i think we're in for a wild ride  
 **8 notes**

 

 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
got my doctor repellent ready for tonight, in case he gets any ideas @madmaninabox  
  


rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
THE APPLE DOES NOTHING WE'VE BEEN LIED TO  
  


Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
aw you boys have fun

rory williams @rory williams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
we're not your boys

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
we are though 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
yeah you are 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
yes you are

 

nurseproblems:

> iceinherheart-kissonherlips:
>
>> prequelmemester:
>>
>>> so is @nurseproblems gonna say what happened bc the longer he takes to explain the more im convinced he did in fact kill someone
>> 
>> tumblr user nurseproblems is the zodiac killer
> 
> god i wish it was just that

source: prequelmemester  #TELL US THO #WE DESERVE THE TRUTH  
 **243 notes**

 

 

Nurse Problem #whatever the fuck id otn know

spacesapphic:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> when you get fuckin driunk with yyour stupid son-in-law and hhe;s lookfing really good and u cant stop thinkin about that stupid shirtless photo he posted and liek hoenstly you alwyas kinda knew he was into you but you're MARRIED and hE"S MARRIED to your DAUGHTER bUT GUESS FUCKIN WHAT 
>> 
>> i made out with him anyway
> 
> holy shit?????

source: nurseproblems   #I TOLD U NOT TO FUCK UR SON-IN-LAW #i mean i guess u didn't #u just kissed #STILL PRETTY BAD THO #im HOWLING i mean it's bad but ohhhhmygod  
 **467 notes**

 

 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
didn't think there would come a day where i'd regret this open marriage arrangement but here we are 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
I SAID I'M SORRY 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
SORRY DOESN'T MAKE YOU UNSNOG MY FATHER 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
He started it I swear!!! Also we were very drunk you can't blame us 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
oh don't put this on him, we both know you've been crushing on him since forever 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
Alright well if you knew about that why didn't you say anything hmmm 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
because i didn't think you would actually act on it??? because he's my dad????? 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
We have an open marriage it's fair game 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
MY PARENTS ARE NOT FAIR GAME 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
Besides it wasn't even the first time we kissed 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
excuse me 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
oh yeah that did happen

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
EXCUSE ME 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
the doctor kissed rory a while ago

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica, @impossiblepond  
oh yeah but i had nothing to do with that, he just laid one on me out of the blue

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
That was just a 'good job' kiss. Purely platonic. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
hmmm ok i don't really believe you but i can let that one slide. not so much the other one 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica, @impossiblepond  
listen we were very drunk and that shirtless pic he tweeted had been haunting my dreams and i dunno it just happened. it's my fault, i'm sorry

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
I told you it wasn't me 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
but you kissed him back though 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Well, it seemed rude not to 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica, @rorywilliams  
i'm having flashbacks to the night before my wedding

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica, @impossiblepond  
amy now is not the time

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica, @rorywilliams  
hey doctor which one of us is the better kisser

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica, @impossiblepond  
please god

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
im in hell 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
I'd say Rory but I might be biased because I actually wanted to kiss Rory. So it was a more pleasant experience, you know. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
im going to kill you again and this time you'll stay dead 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
But I mean obviously you, my dear wife, are the best kisser of all of them 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
you are so getting punished tonight 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica, @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Is that a promise? ;) 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
NO BEING HORNY ON MAIN

 

prequelmemester:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> hamiltonkin:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> prequelmemester:
>>>>
>>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>>
>>>>>> tell you what though this is a horrible way to find out you're bisexual
>>>>> 
>>>>> so was he a good kisser or
>>>> 
>>>> surprisingly good, yeah. i'm sure that's my daughter's influence bc my wife didn't think he was a good kisser at all
>>> 
>>> pardon
>> 
>> oh yeah so my wife has kissed my son-in-law too. that was before any of us were married though. i mean it was the night before me and my wife's wedding but you know, it was a mistake. we got over it.
> 
> this shit just keeps getting wilder

source: nurseproblems #i dont even know what to say #how does this family work exactly  
 **58 notes**

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a glimmer of progress on the TARDIS, and revolutions get planned. (Kinda. Not really.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should've mentioned this before but all the usernames in this fic are fake obviously, any resemblance to real people is completely coincidental. Except tumblr user iceinherheart-kissonherlips, which is [your_bespoke_psychopath](http://archiveofourown.org/users/your_bespoke_psychopath/pseuds/your_bespoke_psychopath), bc she's my enabler and thus gets to be in this fic.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
man i know it's only march but i could really use a vacation

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
@madmaninabox I SAID I COULD REALLY USE A VACATION

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I'm still working on the TARDIS, Pond. If you want a vacation, take a plane like a normal boring human. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
how is it still not fixed?? you said it would take a few weeks, it's been two months

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I don't know, something keeps leeching the energy from the engines. I'm doing my best, trust me. I don't want to be stuck here either 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
maybe you would have fixed it sooner if you and River didn't keep sneaking off to go to parties

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
We don't sneak off to parties!!! We're very busy trying to fix my ship, thank you very much. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
oh yeah? so that photo on river's insta is of you two working on the tardis, is it?

 

 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
@sistercantica how tf did u get him to wear that suit tho. i mean he looks like a real, normal person. like a stylish person  
  


the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
oh god it was a trial though. i let him pick his own outfit at first and it was a disaster 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
like he thought this was a good look  
  


Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
he looks like a 12yo hobo pirate

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
that's what i said! we went through like 4 of these kinds of awful looks. eventually i just picked a nice suit for him. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
im surprised he went along with it tbh. he loves his awful fashion

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
we reached a compromise 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
....something tells me i don't want to know the details

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
you really don't 

 

spacesapphic:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> iceinherheart-kissonherlips:
>>
>>> spacesapphic:
>>>
>>>> so if @nurseproblems is bi and his son-in-law is presumably also bi, how about his wife and daughter 
>>> 
>>> kids let's not speculate about the sexualities of real ppl
>>> 
>>> besides i see where you're going w/ this but there's no way they're all bi
>> 
>> i mean i think my daughter prefers the term pansexual and i think if you asked my son-in-law what his sexuality was he'd just sort of look confused and flail his hands around but yeah i guess in general we're all Not Straight
> 
> YOOOOO

source: spacesapphic  #INCREDIBLE #man wish i had an all-queer family #that must be nice as hell  
 **508 notes**

 

 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
@madmaninabox so you still haven't locked your account huh 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
I mean both you and Amy have been talking about/with us for two months now, does it really matter at this point? 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
i mean i think it kinda matters when you're also going out to premieres and getting yourself photographed by paparazzi 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
people are gonna see those photos and wonder who you are, y'know 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
I've already wiped those pictures. I'm not a complete idiot, despite what you think 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
hm alright. i'd still feel better if you locked your account though 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
We'll have the TARDIS fixed in no-time and then we'll be gone anyway 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
YOU SAID THE SAME THING LIKE A MONTH AGO THO 

 

 

 

john smith @madmaninabox  
Now why does Amy have the little blue tick next to her twitter name? 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
means she's been verified by twitter so people know it's really her and not a fake account 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
So why don't we have it? What if someone makes a fake Rory account? Or a fake Doctor account??? 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
we're not important enough for that to matter to twitter 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
I've saved this planet millions of times, how am I not important. 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
hey remember how you were gonna lay low and remove yourself from every database in the universe 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Yeah?? And??? 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
I DON'T THINK GETTING VERIFIED BY TWITTER HELPS WITH THAT 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Ok but someone could impersonate me 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
doctor you have three followers on twitter, which is me, amy and river. no one knows who you are. no one would care 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
How did Amy get so many followers anyway 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
she's a model and a pretty popular travel blogger. people love her content 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Why just look at pictures of other people though? Why don't they travel themselves, make their own memories. 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
because not everyone has a time machine or money???? 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Ah right. That's kinda sad, really. People should be able to travel! It broadens the mind. It should be a basic human right. 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
yeah well unless they make all public transport free, people will just have to make do with amy's blog posts 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
hm 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
what 'hm' 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
doctor 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
doctor i have to go to work now, please don't start a communist revolution while i'm away 

 

spacesapphic:

> teenwolf-in-the-impala:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> my daughter's husband just handed me a flyer from the local anarchist movement?? i didn't even know we had an anarchist movement here
>>> 
>>> he just sent me a bunch of articles about how capitalism is bad. first of all, as if i don't know that, second of all, what does he actually expect me to do
>> 
>> start with bringing down the banks
> 
> hey nurseproblems remember how i said you shouldn't fuck your son-in-law, well i've changed my mind you should definitely fuck your son-in-law he sounds amazing

source: nurseproblems  #dfkljfdg #y'all need jesus #but i mean also #his son does sound amazing and if he wont fuck him i will  
 **797 notes**

 

spacesapphic:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> prequelmemester:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> yeah i mean he definitely wants me to bring down the government somehow
>>> 
>>> why doesn't he do it himself, the coward
>> 
>> says he's not allowed to interfere with history like that
> 
> what does that...... what does that mean

source: nurseproblems  #i have questions  
 **127 notes**

 

nurseproblems:

> animewasamistake:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> it's pretty hypocritical of my son-in-law to suddenly act like he's super pro-anarchy when he's bffs with winston churchill
>> 
>>   
> hey how fuckin old is your son-in-law exactly
> 
> oh let's not get into that

source: nurseproblems  #???? #are we talking about a different churchill or #also wait why did u use..... why did u use present tense there  
 **266 notes**

 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
@madmaninabox uh the coffee table is making weird noises?

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Ah! Interesting. What kind of noises, specifically? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
like a screeching sound? should we be worried

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Not really, just means it has detected dark energy. Which was its job, so that's good! 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
so what is dark energy exactly because it sounds sinister

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Too complicated to explain in 140 characters, which is why you should've just called. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
i didn't call because you never pick up your damn phone, even though you're somehow also always on twitter

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I like twitter, it's fun! 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
not if you're a woman with a significant amount of followers but ok

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Look, me and River will be right over. Meanwhile, you might wanna move the coffee table to the shed or something. To be safe. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
yeah did that ages ago on account of it vAPOURIZING EVERYTHING YOU PUT ON IT

 

nurseproblems:

> my daughter and her husband have been staying here for nearly three months now and i swear i'm going grey because of it

source: nurseproblems  #i love them but the stress is just #it's a lot folks  
 **17 notes**

 

gay-in-the-usa:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> spacesapphic replied to your post "my daughter and her husband have been staying here for three..."
>>
>>> ok realtalk how old are you even
>> 
>> i am over 2,000 years old and i'm Very Tired
> 
> #the 2016 election Mood

source: nurseproblems  #REALLY THO #it has been going on for centuries #can anyone even remember what it was like before the campaigns bc i sure cant  
 **16,797 notes**

 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
hey everyone i've got some stuff to deal with so i might not be around for a couple of days

cath @cathyjohnson  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
does that mean our lunch tomorrow is canceled then? :| 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @cathyjohnson  
ah shit cath, i totally forgot! yeah, gonna have to cancel, sorry. family stuff, you know

cath @cathyjohnson  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
well at least it's just lunch, not something important like, I dunno, a baby shower 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @cathyjohnson  
hey i know i'm not the most reliable, but it's not on purpose, i swear. my family is just... a mess

cath @cathyjohnson  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
your parents are like the nicest people though, i don't understand how you can always have this much drama going on 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @cathyjohnson  
oh it's not them. other parts of the family.

cath @cathyjohnson  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
right. that's very clear. i understand completely now 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @cathyjohnson  
i have a daughter who is a time traveler and older than me, who is married to my imaginary friend, who i kissed the night before my wedding

cath @cathyjohnson  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
okay okay, i get it 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @cathyjohnson  
my friend is an alien & my daughter isn't completely human either due to her being conceived on a time machine & evil ppl messing w/ her DNA

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @cathyjohnson  
so anyway my daughter and her husband have been stuck here on earth for a while now, because their time machine broke

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @cathyjohnson  
my friend turned my coffee table into a dark energy detector which is now loudly screeching in my shed, so i have to deal w/ that

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @cathyjohnson  
now i don't even know what dark energy is but there is a 99% chance my husband will die somehow so excuse me if i can't make lunch

cath @cathyjohnson  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I GET IT 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @cathyjohnson  
some things i'd just like to keep private, alright?

cath @cathyjohnson  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I can do lunch on the 24th 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @cathyjohnson  
i'd like that, cath

cath @cathyjohnson  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
also has anyone ever told you you should write fiction 

Nurse Problem #43

nurseproblems:

> iceinherheart-kissonherlips:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> i realise i've gone off-brand these last couple of posts, so let me get back to my roots. 
>>> 
>>> *clears throat*
>>> 
>>> when your stupid son-in-law nearly causes the collapse of reality itself because his stupid dark energy gizmo (previously our coffee table) started malfunctioning and you almost die again trying to save him and the world
>> 
>> now how is this a nurse problem exactly
> 
> BECAUSE I'M A NURSE AND IT'S MY PROBLEM

source: nurseproblems  #let him live  
 **640 notes**  


 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Ponds see a musical and a plot appears!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your lovely comments so far! I'm not gonna respond to all of them anymore bc I'll just keep saying 'aw thanks' but rest assured they are very much appreciated.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
@madmaninabox honestly i think me and rory deserve a reward after this dark energy nonsense

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I suppose both of you did save my life 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
yeah like five times in a row bc your dumb face kept sticking your hand in that.... dark energy.... well?? whatever it was

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
i still don't understand what dark energy even is tbh

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Think of it like the opposite of gravity. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
right

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I mean it's not like that at all, but I'm not sure how to explain it without going deep into quantum physics 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
okay well, the TARDIS works again right? so maybe we could... do something... something fun but not dangerous....

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
something that is hard to get into without spending a ton of money... something that we have to go back in time for...

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I feel like you're hinting at a specific thing here 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
please can we go see hamilton on broadway with the original cast

 

nurseproblems:

> smolmemebean:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> hamilton is a great musical but i imagine it would be a lot more enjoyable if you didn't have your son-in-law sitting next to you pointing out all the historical inaccuracies throughout the entire show
>> 
>> when a history nerd goes to the theatre
> 
> no he's just an annoying know-it-all

source: nurseproblems  #savage lmao  
 **359 notes**

 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
@madmaninabox this is definitely the best photo of us ever taken  
  


john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
You should frame it and hang it on your wall. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
i'll hang it in the bedroom, rory will love it

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @madmaninabox  
no thanks I don't want nightmares 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams  
you sure it wouldn't give you a different type of dream? 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @madmaninabox  
god you kiss your son-in-law ONCE 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Twice! 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams  
twice

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @madmaninabox  
i hate you both 

 

spacesapphic:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> sometimes i wish rewriting your own timeline was possible so i could go back in time and undo all my worst mistakes (namely the whole 'kissing my own son-in-law' thing)
> 
> i like the implication here that it's not time travel that's the problem, it's just rewriting your own timeline specifically

source: nurseproblems  #nurseproblems was marty mcfly all along!!   
**130 notes**

 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
@madmaninabox, @sistercantica so are you gonna leave? what with the TARDIS being fixed

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
@madmaninabox, @sistercantica not that i want you gone, mind. just thought you would've left by now

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
@madmaninabox, @sistercantica .......but also i could use a little break from the Doctor tbh

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
ha, can't blame you! but no, we're not leaving yet. not entirely sure everything is actually fixed yet 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
River doesn't think it's fixed, I think she's perfectly fine!

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
Also, rude.

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica  
it worked when we went to see Hamilton though, didn't it?

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
we went less than a year in the past, and not even off-planet. that's like driving 10 feet in a car w/ flat tires and saying it works 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
It's fine, honestly.

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
she's making some noises that worry me, I just wanna do some more checks 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
You're supposed to hear noises when driving a Type 40. In fact, sometimes louder means better!

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
sweetie, you sure you're not confusing her with me? ;) 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
huh?

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
OH

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
I see

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
Maybe you're right, we should do some more checks

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
i definitely heard something rattling in the console. we should test that first, I think 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
I'll be right over

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
and then maybe the shower 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
The shower DEFINITELY needs checking

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica, @madmaninabox  
NEXT TIME CAN YOU PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM THE REPLY CHAIN BEFORE YOU START FLIRTING THANKS

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica, @madmaninabox  
.....and be safe, please

 

nurseproblems:

> prequelmemester:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> if there's one thing i'm grateful for it's that i never had to give my daughter The Talk
>>> 
>>> actually scratch that the way she did get The Talk is far more awkward i had just blocked it from my memory up until now
>> 
>> ......you can't say that and not tell us what happened
> 
> hm well let's just say my own dad somehow ended up giving it after we rented what we thought was a harmless disney movie, but which someone had taped their homemade sex tape over. i was.... there also. as was my wife. i still cringe

source: nurseproblems  #let me tell you my dad is NOT the guy you want to give the talk #there were lots of metaphors #mostly involving rubber ducks somehow #i tried to stop him #but he thought it was VERY important that we all learn about safe sex in that exact moment #and i mean yes it is important #BUT LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE SHOULD HAVE DONE THE TALK ITSELF #he gave the rental store hell later though #that was pretty funny #pretty sure someone got fired that day  
 **65 notes**

 

john smith @madmaninabox  
@rorywilliams, @impossiblepond we're gonna take the TARDIS for a test run, wanna come?  


Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
idk did you sanatize the console first

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams  
?

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
you don't wanna know

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
The TARDIS is self-cleaning. listen do you wanna go with us or not?

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
ehhh could it wait for a bit? the brexit referendum thing is soon, don't wanna miss it bc you can't drive or the TARDIS is broken or w/e

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Oh, you don't have to worry about that one.

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
spoilers, dear

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
Ah come on, it's in like three weeks. Besides, it's pretty obvious that this country isn't stupid enough to leave the EU.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
if it was just scotland voting, maybe. lots of stupid english people though

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
yeah there's lots of leave voters in leadworth

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Honestly, don't worry about it.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams  
look, how about you and river do some test runs, and then we'll join you once you're sure it won't explode or whatever

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Alright, but you're gonna miss some great parties.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams  
i'm sure the photos will show up on instagram

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
oooh, good idea

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams  
I WAS JOKING

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
@madmaninabox so does the TARDIS work properly now or what?

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Dunno, getting some strange readings still. Weird thing is, she keeps wanting to go back to Leadworth. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
wow can't relate

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Well no, I imagine you can't relate to a pandimensional, living time/space vehicle. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
ok so what does this all mean?

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
No idea, but we'll probably pop back in soon. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
just in time for brexit

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Ha! Honestly though, you've got nothing to worry about. 

Trending in the UK Change  
  
#BREXIT  


 

spacesapphic:

> gay-in-the-usa:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> spacesapphic replied to your post "my daughter and her husband have been staying here for three..."
>>>
>>>> ok realtalk how old are you even
>>> 
>>> i am over 2,000 years old and i'm Very Tired
>> 
>> #the 2016 election Mood
> 
> #anyone else feel like they just aged another 1000 years? (via @certifiedstarwarslesbian)

source: nurseproblems  #Cursed Year Cursed Year #brexit #politics  
 **34,895 notes**

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is tumblr discourse and River scandalises the locals.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
every english person who told me not to worry about brexit owes me 10 quid, and ONE PERSON IN PARTICULAR owes me a whole lot more

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I'm not even English! 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
you sound english and that's enough for me

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I can't control what my accent sounds like. Regeneration's random. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
if River could choose a dress size you can pick an accent and you better pick scottish next time

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Look, we've got bigger things to worry about than my accent. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
yeah like the fact that YOU TOLD ME THERE WAS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Amy, I told you the truth. This wasn't supposed to happen. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
yeah no joke!!

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
No, I mean, this literally wasn't supposed to happen. Remain winning was a fixed point. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
wait what. but i thought you couldn't change fixed points or time explodes or smth. like when River tried it

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Right, and you can't. But the weird thing is, now Leave winning is the fixed point. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
....you sure you didn't just get it wrong the first time and leave winning was always the fixed point?

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
No, Remain winning had a massive impact on history. Increased solidarity in the EU, economic growth, leftist groups gaining strength... 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
are you saying remain winning would lead to some sort of leftist utopia

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Well, not exactly. But it certainly helped in creating a more left-leaning, accepting society. And not just in the UK and EU. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
and now that leave has won we've already seen an uptick in anti-minority hate crimes...

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Not to mention the pound dropping in value. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
shit.

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
It's a bit of a mess, yeah. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
so do you think someone changed that fixed point? to like. shift the course of the world to the right?

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I don't know, Amy, that's what I'm trying to find out. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
But like I said, it's not that it's been changed. It's just always been this way, now. Except it wasn't, I know it wasn't. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
It's like it changed naturally, but I have never heard of anything like that happening before. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
That being said, I won't rule out some kind of interference by a person or a group. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
or aliens. euroskeptic aliens 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I don't know about that, but anything is possible 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
WHAT IF DAVID CAMERON IS AN ALIEN i always thought he was shady. i mean what kind of human fucks a pig 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
.....he's not an alien 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
nigel farage then. he has the face for it 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
He's human. Listen Amy, not every politician you dislike is an alien 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Also, you're implying that someone being a bad person and being an alien are inherently linked which is frankly offensive. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
boris johnson? he must be. he's too weird to be human 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I'm going to go now, Amy. Gonna try and find out what happened. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
SO YOU DON'T DENY IT THEN 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
BORIS JOHNSON IS AN ALIEN I KNEW IT 

 

 

lokitrashforever:

> prequelmemester:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> my wife just sent me a text saying 'boris johnson is an alien' with no further explanation or context
> 
> mulder: [throws a folder on scully's desk] ever heard of the brexit alien?

source: nurseproblems  #i want to believe #....because the alternative is that there are a lot of stupid humans in the UK #brexit for ts  
 **1,976 notes**

Rory Williams@rorywilliams  
@madmaninabox, @sistercantica what are you doing  
  


john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
We're investigating Leadworth. Deep cover. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
you're wearing sunglasses 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
DEEP COVER 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
doctor you're literally on the other side of the street. I can see you both 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Shhhh 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
alright well have fun I guess 

 

 

spacesapphic:

> grantpeters:
>
>> fiftyshadesofyaoi:
>>
>>> y'all really still out there reblogging nurseproblem's posts despite him admitting he kissed his son-in-law? 
>> 
>> #incest tw they're not???? actually related????? cmon this is a Bad Take buddy
> 
> WE ARE NOT STARTING NURSEPROBLEMS DISCOURSE THIS YEAR IS HARD ENOUGH AS IT IS

source: fiftyshadesofyaoi  #please come on #the man made a mistake let him live #he has suffered enough no need to Discourse it #also frankly OP u got no business starting discourse w/ an url like that  
 **381 notes**

 

the only water in the forest@sistercantica  
@impossiblepond so i ran into aunt Sharon while walking through town with the Doctor this morning, had a very interesting chat with her... 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
oh jesus do i even wanna know 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
well for one she seems to be under the impression that the Doctor is a magician? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
oh lmao, that's bc of the wedding. lotta people seem to think that him appearing in the middle of the room w/ the tardis was a magic trick 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
ha, hell of an illusion 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
doctor said the tardis has kind of a weirdness filter on it? like it just shortcircuits the brain so it finds a plausible explanation... 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
...for the weird shit it just saw 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
could be, or he made that up to sound more impressive. humans are just very dense sometimes 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
lmao tru 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
anyway aunt Sharon definitely thinks i'm a cougar 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
askdlsdf OHMYGOD 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
yea the Doctor struck up a conversation w/ her and then was like 'oh this is my wife btw' and hoooo boy 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
she gave me a VERY disapproving look 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
she is such a judgemental bitch tbh 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
i mean i know she's family and my mum loves her but..... fuck her i remember what a shitty guardian she was 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
i wonder if she thinks i'm some sort of rich widow and the doctor is a goldigger 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
or if she thinks i just seduced him with my hot bod 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
i mean didn't you tho 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
i corrupted him with my womanly wiles 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
that boy was a goner the moment you landed on top of him 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
WAIT SHIT SPOILERS LMAO ignore that 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
well it wouldn't be the first time i landed on him 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
listen as your mother i will of course pretend that you two have never ever touched each other inappropriately ever 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
......but as your best friend im like 'get it girl' 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
ha, thanks Amy. anyway, gotta go back to scandalising all of Leadworth 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
go forth and scandalise. make your old mum proud 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
(but also no details please. let's not go that far. keep the actual scandals out of my sight) 

 

 

prequelmemester:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> prequelmemester:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> prequelmemester:
>>>>
>>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>>
>>>>>> it's 8am and i just saw that my daughter changed her twitter name to 'the only cougar in [our town]' bc apparently she and her husband have been scandalising the town and please god it's too early for this
>>>>> 
>>>>> ok i was 100% under the impression that it was your son-in-law who was the older one but guess not? i mean kudos to ur daughter but???
>>>> 
>>>> oh no, he's way older than her
>>> 
>>> how is she a cougar then..... are u saying ur daughter looks old bc thats mean
>> 
>> i mean she looks older than him but they both look really young for their age tbh
> 
> i dont..... understand a thing my guy

source: nurseproblems  #how fuckin old is anyone in this family.....  
 **87 notes**  


 

spacesapphic:

> me tryna figure out how tf nurseproblems's family works 

source: spacesapphic  #im just mystified  
 **23 notes**

 

alienspleaseabductme:

> the-navidson-record:
>
>> spacesapphic:
>>
>>> ok so nurseproblems's daughter is an adult. so she is at least 18, but let's round that up to 20 bc it's easier and also she's married so she's probably at the very least in her 20s. let's say that the youngest nurseproblems himself could have gotten her was 20 (i mean teen parents exist obvs but he doesn't strike me as the type). so the youngest he can be is about 40. HOWEVER his daughter described herself as a cougar. cougars are usually women who are middle-aged or older. let's say 40 is the youngest for a cougar. that would make nurseproblems at least 60. you'd also think that would make his daughter's husband a lot younger (in his 20s) HOWEVER nurseproblems said that his daughter's husband is WAY older than her. idk what he feels is 'way' older, but let's say 10 years minimum. she could be 20-30 and he 30-60, but then why would anyone call her a cougar? nurseproblems says she _looks_ older than her husband but then he also says they BOTH look young for their age but even if she's 40 and looks 30 and he's 50 but looks 40 or smth then he'd still look older, surely? or is he one of those men who just doesn't age? is it plastic surgery? unless she's just making an ironic joke but then why would ppl in town be scandalised? like lbr older man/younger woman couples are hardly frowned upon, so she MUST look older to earn the cougar title but like....... how old..... how old is anyone..... how old is nurseproblems himself.... he's at the very least 40 but he types like a millennial..... how.... i dont understand anything
>> 
>> have any of y'all considered that he's just fuckin lying for notes

source: spacesapphic  #i'll bet u $100 that nurseproblems is in reality a 15yo girl from the states w/ too much time on her hands  
 **122 notes**

 

the only cougar in leadworth @sistercantica  
just enjoying the view on this fine tuesday  
  


john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
Oi, eyes front. 

the only cougar in leadworth @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
right, because your eyes are always front too 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica  
Yes, they are. 

the only cougar in leadworth @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
I have caught you staring at my butt at least 5 times today. I know you thought you were being subtle but you weren't 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica, @madmaninabox  
SO HOW'S THE INVESTIGATION GOING 

the only cougar in leadworth @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
oh, pretty good actually. we've got a pretty good idea of what's happening and I have also scandalised another 5 (five) locals 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica  
Melody, behave. 

the only cougar in leadworth @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
when have I ever 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
so what IS happening 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Do you want the good news or the bad news first? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
ah shit. okay bad first i suppose. get that out of the way 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
There is a 90% chance that Leadworth will turn into a mini wormhole in the next 4 weeks, which will probably negatively affect its housing market. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
And you know it probably won't be great for the rest of the planet either. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
.....so what's the good news? 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I talked to your aunt Sharon and she definitely thinks River is a cougar. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
HOW IS THIS GOOD NEWS 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Because cougars are cool!! They're very beautiful animals. I mean, I'd compare River to a lion myself (the hair), but still. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
how soon will i be able to throw myself into this wormhole and die 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jeff opens a bar, and everyone is invited (to Rory's dismay).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Was a bit busy with Things. But here it is, another chapter. A Gay chapter.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
On safe spaces and the importance of gay bars in small towns queervoices.co.uk/guest/safe-space...

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
big thanks to @queervoicesuk for letting me write a guest post! I know it's different from my usual fare, but I hope you like it.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
also huge shoutout to @jeff_89! he's opening Leadworth's first gay bar, @LeadWorthIt, which is what inspired this article in the first place. 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
thank you so much Amy! you and Rory are coming to the grand opening, right? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @jeff_89  
absolutely! can't wait 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
i'm so nervous though haha. it's such a big deal and i want it to be a success so bad 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @jeff_89  
you'll be brilliant, i just know it 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @jeff_89  
i could come in one of my old costumes, if that helps 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
if you wanna give all the gay girls a heart attack, then sure 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @jeff_89  
that's the best part of the costumes! remember kayleigh's 21st birthday? that was a blast 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
there were at least 5 girls who had their gay awakening that night 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @jeff_89  
just doing my duty 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
btw i saw your imaginary friend in town the other day. he's very welcome at the opening as well. just fyi 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @jeff_89  
subtle, jeff 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
i'm just saying 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @jeff_89  
do you really want him at your party, though. you saw his dancing at my wedding 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
hey here at Worth It we accept everyone, even those who can't dance 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @jeff_89  
fine, fine, i'll ask him 

 

 

nurseproblems:

> spacesapphic:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> spacesapphic:
>>>
>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>
>>>>> my wife has invited our son-in-law and our daughter to the opening of our friend's gay bar, which i'm sure is a Great idea and we will not regret at all ever
>>>> 
>>>> why so hesitant hmmm? are ur afraid that u won't be able to resist snogging him again in such a Gay space??
>>> 
>>> NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ME WANTING TO SNOG HIM THANKS
>> 
>> so ur not denying that u want to snog him
> 
> please i just meant that it'll be awkward to see them hit on other people. that's it. that's all

source: nurseproblems  #plus my son-in-law can't dance for shit  
 **58 notes**

 

john smith @madmaninabox  
@impossiblepond So what exactly IS a gay bar? I mean, aren't all bars gay? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
.....no?? 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
But surely the point of a bar is to have a good time and be happy with other people? There's no Depression Bars, or something. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
ohh no, it's not gay as in happy, it's gay as in attracted to the same gender 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
tho i mean these days it's for everyone who's not straight. it's gay in the general sense 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Oh. That makes more sense, I suppose 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
no one has used gay to mean happy in like. 60 years. how did you not know this 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
The English language changes so rapidly! How am I supposed to keep track? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
alright well maybe brush up on your 21st century slang before the party saturday. don't want any unfortunate misunderstandings 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I'll be fine, don't worry about it. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Wait, so is Jeff gay, then? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
he is, yeah! he actually said you were a big component in him realising he's attracted to guys lmao 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
How so 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
bc you got all up in his personal space and told him he was amazing and stuff 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I don't understand how that would make him realise he's attracted to men? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
well bc he was kinda into you 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
...and? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
and you're a man???? 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Oh. I guess. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
you guess???? 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Well, Time Lords and gender... you know how it is 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
i really don't but ok 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Anyway, it'll be nice to have a distraction from the impending doom. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
yeah how's that going 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Me and River are on top of it, don't worry. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I mean everything is completely under control. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Definitely don't worry about the loud bangs coming from the edge of town. It's fine. 

 

 

spacesapphic:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>
>>>>> you kids think your life is hard but try spending an entire night desperately trying to avoid your daughter and her husband in a very small, crowded bar
>>>> 
>>>> also add to that the fact that they're both.... hm how do i put this...... very Extra and loud
>>> 
>>> maybe i could hide in this bathroom for the rest of the night. would that be weird. that would be weird right. i hate this.
>> 
>> concept: me, drinking myself to oblivion so i dont remember anything i've seen tonight
> 
> nurseproblems babe are u ok

source: nurseproblems  #someone save this poor man  
 **144 notes**

 

nurseproblems:

> mmmm maybe drinking was also not a great idea

source: nurseproblems  #liveblogging this on tumblr is also not a great idea #for one bc ill regret it in the morning #but also the mobile app sucks holy shit  
 **23 notes**

 

nurseproblems:

> just witnessed a friend hitting on my son-in-law cool cool cool this is fine

source: nurseproblems  #im in hell!! #again!!!!!  
 **56 notes**

 

nurseproblems:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> the amount of thirsty lesbians who have referenced carol (2015, dir. todd haynes) in some way while talking to my daughter is...... understandable but also I Am Going To Scream
>>> 
>>> my modern sensibilities say i can't tell my daughter what to wear but my heart says i should burn all her dresses. and her heels
>> 
>> ALTERNATIVELY I SHOULD JUST NOT BE AROUND WHEN SHE'S PICKING UP CHICKS
> 
> i hate this....... why did i ever want kids.... its Hell

source: nurseproblems   
 **41 notes**

 

unicorndeathmachine:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> honestly right now i just wanna like........ get abducted by aliens
> 
> oh mood

source: nurseproblems    
**12,932 notes**

 

lesleymayday:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> STOP TURNING MY ANGUISHED CRIES FOR HELP INTO VIRAL """RELATEABLE POSTS"""" ITS NOT YOUR MOOD ITS JUST MINE. ITS MY OWN PERSONAL HELL AND NO ONE COULD EVERUNDERSTAND
> 
> oh _mood_

source: nurseproblems    
**8,470 notes**

 

nurseproblems:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> OHHH GUYS THERE IS SOME WEIRD PURPLE LIGHT OUTSIDE. HAVE MY PRAYERS BEEN ANSWERED. ARE THE ALIENS HERE TO TAKE ME AWAY
> 
> wait shit is it coming from our house?

source: nurseproblems #????? #DUDE WHAT KINDA CLIFFHANGER IS THIS #WHAT HAPPENED   
**20 notes**

 

 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
@jeff_89 hey jeff, great party last night! sorry we had to leave so suddenly. 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
don't worry about it! not your fault you got sick :) you feeling better? 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @jeff_89  
yeah i'm fine now! must've eaten something bad 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
luckily you didn't miss that much. it was great having you and Amy there 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
and the doctor! and his friend (River, was it?) 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @jeff_89  
she's his wife, actually 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
damn really? they didn't seem... exclusive 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @jeff_89  
yeah they've got an open marriage 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
oh good that makes me feel better about hitting on the doctor lmao 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @jeff_89  
i'll be honest, it doesn't make me feel much better 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
oh because you two kissed? 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @jeff_89  
WHO TOLD YOU THAT 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
the doctor did. said you two got real drunk one night 

jeff @jeff_89  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
hey i'm not judging, just fyi. i get it 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @jeff_89  
jeff you're my friend and i love you but trust me: you don't get it 

 

 

spacesapphic:

> spacesapphic:
>
>> lokitrashforever:
>>
>>> spacesapphic:
>>>
>>>> BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO NURSEPROBLEMS LAST NIGHT HE HASNT SAID ANYTHING AND ITS BEEN HOURS
>>> 
>>> he got his wish and was abducted by aliens
>> 
>> shit ur right that for sure happened. im jealous
> 
> i just checked and his posts from last night have been deleted??? definitely aliens.... or the men in black.... OR MEN IN BLACK WHO ARE ALIENS LIKE IN THE 1997 SCIFI BLOCKBUSTER MEN IN BLACK STARRING WILL SMITH

source: spacesapphic  #i want 2 believe #wait wrong franchise #for real tho what happened  
 **24 notes**

 

spacesapphic:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> iceinherheart-kissonherlips:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> oh my god everyone who flooded my inbox last night please chill. i'm fine. i appreciate the concern but just relax
>>> 
>>> but did u get abducted by aliens. did the men in black delete ur posts bc of the aliens
>> 
>> no i just deleted them because they were embarassing. i was drunk and made some stupid posts, that's it.
> 
> that's exactly what the men in black would WANT us to believe.... u cant fool us.... The Truth Is Out There

source: nurseproblems  #[X-FILES THEME INTENSIFIES] #what about the purple light hmmmm #u didnt explain that #and i know it's aliens #TELL THEM TO COME ADBUCT ME TOO  
 **45 notes**

 

 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
@madmaninabox hey here's an idea maybe don't tell people we've kissed 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
I didn't tell anyone???

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
you told jeff last night 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Oh right. I did do that. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
okay well. don't. don't do that again. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Sorry, we were just talking and it slipped out. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
Is it that bad, though? I mean, Jeff's attracted to me too. He gets it. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
you know what i hate this conversation we're having 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
I like Jeff, he's nice. Great kisser. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
EXCUSE ME?? YOU KISSED HIM?? 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
I think he kinda misread my signs. It's fine, though. Like I said, great kisser. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
hhhhhhhh 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
I don't see why you're so upset. I only kissed one person. River kissed loads. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams  
guilty as charged 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
stop. we're stopping this conversation. we're gonna talk about something else now. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams  
we will repair the roof, if that's what you're wondering 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
yeah i should hope so, considering it was the doctor who nearly burned our house down 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
I didn't 'nearly burn the house down'. It was a small explosion that made a little hole in the roof. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
oh sure that's much better 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
honestly how come all your dark energy detectors go haywire at some point 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
Dark energy is just tricky to work with! Besides, it worked fine before it exploded. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
yeah that's probably what they said about the reactor in chernobyl too 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
I mean, the warning system worked great, didn't it? Prevented a major possible disaster. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
he's right. could've had that wormhole two weeks too early, if we hadn't been warned. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
don't see why you had to make the warning a giant purple light on our roof though 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
I was afraid that making the light red might cause some concern among the humans. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
wasn't really the colour i had a problem with 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
Well, it had to be visible from Jeff's bar. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
ok but why not just...... set it to send a text to your phone or something 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
Oh. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
Listen, it all worked out fine. What matter is that we were on time to stop the wormhole from opening. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
yeah aFTER YOUR STUPID DEVICE RUINED OUR ROOF 

the only water in the forest@sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
look, why don't we have a nice family night in tonight. to relax a little 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
....yeah, fine. i could do with just a normal, quiet night. watch a movie or something 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
i've heard good things about Carol 

 

nurseproblems:

> smol-lesbean:
>
>> but when will nurseproblem's daughter whisk me away from my boring retail job to be her lesbian lover
> 
> im blocking and reporting anyone who even dares to think about my daughter in a romantic or sexual way

source: smol-lesbean  #too bad buddy #time to commit Thoughtcrimes  
 **577 notes**

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Doctor violates several traffic laws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT and you don't even get a super long chapter in return or anything.  
> I got no excuse I'm just Bad

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
@impossiblepond hey can we borrow your car today 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
you absolutely cannot 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
it's just we need to go to london. sort some stuff out 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
well that's what public transport was invented for 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
right but we need to go to several spots in and around london so a car would be very helpful 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
we just need something that's a bit more flexible 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
River you're my daughter and i love you but i know you and the doctor. you will wreck that car 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
i resent that accusation. i mean, the Doctor, maybe, but you know i'm more responsible than that. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
hm. not convinced. tell me exactly what you'll be doing first 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Amy it's one of the Doctor's plans. you know how convoluted they get. too convoluted for 140 characters 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
then no car 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
let's just say it involves acquiring certain pieces of technology from certain aliens 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
you mean stealing. you want to do Crimes. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
well, some we might just be able to buy, either from specific people or from various black markets 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
......and some you need to steal 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
i mean 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
maybe 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
possibly 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
yeah 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
then no car!!! you can't involve our car in crimes, we talked about this 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
this is alien crimes though, it's not like the regular human police are gonna know about it 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
well i don't want some alien mob boss to show up at my door one day bc you pissed them off 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
also why not just take the tardis??? 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
bc TARDISes are obscenely valueable & these are criminals we're dealing with. don't want them stealing our things 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
you're....... also stealing things..... you're criminals too.... 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
sure but we're the good guys 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
great well you're still not getting my car 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
maybe i'll just steal it then 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
melody pond 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
alright i won't steal it 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
it's scary how you can do the mom voice in a tweet 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
it's a gift 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
still need a ride though :| 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercantica, @impossiblepond  
RIVER FORGET THE CAR I'VE JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA 

 

 

 

 

spacesapphic:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>
>>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>>
>>>>>> people always said being a parent is hard but they never warned me about my daughter becoming a criminal
>>>>> 
>>>>> i should note, when i say criminal i don't mean like... a Criminal criminal. like she does crimes but she doesn't hurt people.
>>>> 
>>>> well, not often.
>>> 
>>> well, quite often, but she only hurts bad people, you know. she does crimes in a batman sort of way. she's a good person, really, she just tends to solve conflicts with crimes
>> 
>> you know what i regret making this post please ignore everything i said
> 
> no no tell us more about your heroic Crime daughter

source: nurseproblems  #i for one stan nurseproblem's heroic crime daughter #screw black widow this is the marvel superhero we deserve!!!  
 **289 notes**

 

nurseproblems:

> lokitrashforever:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> the thing is, she's an archaeologist and you think 'oh well archaeology isn't like in the movies, she'll just be squatting in the dirt dusting off bits of pottery a lot, that's a safe and respectable career' but no apparently she decided that it should be EXACTLY like the movies. like it's great to have a daughter with a PhD, i'm very proud, but i also feel like at any moment she could turn up on my doorstep and be like 'hey dad im gonna go looking for the arc of the covenant wanna come with?' and before you know it i'll be getting shot at by nazis again 
>> 
>> _again?_
> 
> don't ask

source: nurseproblems  #i..... i kinda wanna ask tho  
 **55 notes**

 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
@sistercantica how's it going, has the doctor crashed the motorbike yet? 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
only three times so far, so he's doing great 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica  
i know saying this is useless, but i'm gonna say it anyway: please be careful 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
i will 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica  
no you won't, don't lie to me 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
sorry dad. i will be as careful as the circumstances allow, which is to say i won't literally thow myself in front of a gun 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
...cannot guarantee the doctor will do the same, but there you go 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @sistercantica  
this is acceptable, thank you 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercanctica  
I feel like this implies that you care less about me getting shot than River getting shot 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
yes 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercanctica  
Rory!!! 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
she's my daughter, you're my weird alien friend who continuously fucks up my life 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercanctica  
I'm your son-in-law! Also, watch your language 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
you can't tell me to watch my language, i'm your father-in-law 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercanctica  
SEE WE'RE FAMILY!!!! 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
alright but you can regenerate if you get fatally wounded, River can't 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercanctica  
Ah, well. About that. The thing is... not really? 

rory williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
what? 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams  
yeah, what?? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
i would also like to say 'what' 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercanctica  
Well, I kinda don't have any regenerations left. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams  
what are you talking about, you get 13 right? you're on 12 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
12? i thought he was on 11 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @sistercanctica, @impossiblepond  
It's a long story, I'll explain later. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
you better explain bc this is pretty crucial fuckin information for me 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
language, daughter 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
seriously 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @sistercantica  
lmao nah im just fuckin with ya 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
i can't believe you didn't tell me this sooner though 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercanctica  
I kinda assumed you knew, to be honest. You know everything 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
true 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
OH JESUS CHRIST I LET YOU GET ON A MOTORBIKE AND YOU DONT HAVE ANY REGENERATIONS LEFT 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @sistercanctica  
Again, I can ride a motorbike just fine. I can even tweet and drive! 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
please tell me that's a joke and you're not actually driving and tweeting right now 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
Doctor??? 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
Doctor please park the bike and respond 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
im gonna be a widow 

 

 

nurseproblems:

> nurseproblems:
>
>> prequelmemester:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> AU in which my family doesn't cause me unreasonable amounts of stress every day
>>> 
>>> time to change ur url to nursewithcrimedaughterproblems perhaps?
>> 
>> wasn't her this time, more her dumbass husband. i mean there was some crime involved but that wasn't the problem
> 
> cant believe i just said that the crime wasnt the problem where did my life go so wrong (i mean i know where but. why.)

source: nurseproblems  #guys im just tired  
 **80 notes**  


 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
@madmaninabox cant believe u almost died in a motorcycle accident. that would've been such a lame way to go 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Whatever River told you, she's grossly exaggerating. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
so u didn't crash into an alien mob boss's hideout masquerading as a casino? 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Well. I did do that. But it was a tactical manoeuvre. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
was it tho. was it really 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
Yes!! The distraction I caused allowed River to slip in through the backdoor unnoticed and steal their goods. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox  
and u planned it that way, did you 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
YES. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
he's lying. our original plan was that he would go inside and pose as an investor to distract them 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
but he was tweeting and driving and crashed straight through the front door 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
i mean it worked out in the end but he did cause every mobster in the casino to immediately draw their guns on him 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
and guess who had to save him 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
But we did get that triple-plated quantum enfolder we needed! 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
i didn't even get to dress up nice 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
I'll take you somewhere fancy after this is all over. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
speaking of which, how's the wormhole-closing-plan going 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
Oh, badly. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
doctor i swear to god 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
What? There's no use lying. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
i'm sure we can get it sorted, but it's gonna be tight 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
great. comforting words from both of you 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
Hey, improvising a seemingly impossible solution in the absolute last minute of a crisis is my specialty 

 

prequelmemester:

> prequelmemester:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> god all this bullshit nearly made me forget that the world might end in like a week
>> 
>> hey nurseproblems what the fuck does that mean
> 
> WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN NURSEPROBLEMS

source: nurseproblems  #that's so ominous what the hell  
 **101 notes**

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Doctor (thankfully) doesn't know about vore, and tumblr gets concerned.

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
concept: me, lying on a beach, sipping a fancy cocktail, just relaxing without having to worry about the world potentially exploding

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
and getting a sunburn within 2 minutes 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
don't ruin my beautiful fantasy 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
I mean same tho. we should go on vacation after all this is over 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @impossiblepond  
(but maybe just not somewhere with a lot of sun) 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
There's a lovely planet called Raillerie that has great beaches with very high-tech UV filters, so you won't get a sunburn! 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
And it's a French settlement, so you know the food is good. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
it's not gonna be a vacation if you take us 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
yeah instead of a sunburn i'll get a regular burn from whatever evil alien lurks there 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
You act as if I only ever take you to dangerous places 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
yeah??? because you do???????? 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
I take you to plenty of safe places!!! 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
look i think it's less about the places you take us, and more the fact that you're there 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
you're not safe, is the thing. you're like a danger magnet 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Well that's hardly my fault 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
hmmmmmmm isn't it though 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
What are you implying here 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
I'm implying that maybe, perhaps, possibly, either you or the TARDIS picks dangerous places on purpose 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
The TARDIS just takes me where I need to go. 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
well could you maybe ask her to take us where WE need to go, which is to say a nice, peaceful place 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
You try reasoning with a pandimensional spaceship. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
aw she's pan? im proud of her 

 

 

nurseproblems:

> officialtoddhoward:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> officialtoddhoward:
>>>
>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>
>>>>> youknowfromtv:
>>>>>
>>>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> mass-reject:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> lokitrashforever:
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> it's 3am, i'm at work on my night shift and my wife just sent me a text that says 'do u think anyone has ever fucked a sentient spaceship' and you know what it is both too late and too early for this
>>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>>> i'd fuck a sentient spaceship
>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>> alright thanks for letting me know
>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>> do NOT stick your dick in a sentient spaceship no matter how hot they are!!! you don't know where they've been, they could've picked up any number of dangerous space STDs. safe sex can't suddenly be ignored just bc the being ur fucking doesn't have what we would consider normal body parts.
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> guys
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> if ur not willing to risk catching some sort of outerspace disease that'll rot ur brains out then u don't DESERVE to fuck a sentient spaceship
>>>>> 
>>>>> GUYS
>>>> 
>>>> i wouldn't fuck a spaceship but i would make love to a spaceship. i'd care for the spaceship. i would make sure the spaceship felt safe and comfortable. maybe light some scented candles.
>>> 
>>> ok well that's better i guess
>> 
>> then i'd go down on the spaceship for hours bc im not a coward
> 
> I AM CANCELING THIS POST

source: nurseproblems  #this post went places #nsfw text  
 **5,843 notes**

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
god this week feels like it's been going on for months 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams  
same. i think it's the constant threat of being vored by a wormhole 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Everything will be fine, don't worry! 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
...also what does 'vored' mean 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
ssdlkgmldfg 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
oh boy 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
What? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
rory you're the nurse, you tell him 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond  
i am not explaining vore to my son-in-law. this is river's job 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
you seriously want me to talk to him about that. you want me to ruin his sweet, innocent soul like that 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
....you're right, no i don't 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Okay is someone going to tell me what it is? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
just google it 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Right okay, I'll look into that later. Can we get back on track now? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
yes please tell us how soon we're going to die 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
No one's going to die!! We're very close to fixing it 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
literally two days ago u were like 'everything is bad' 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
A lot can happen in two days. Everything is fine. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
are you lying 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
No. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
what about rule #1 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Maybe I lied about rule #1, have you thought about that? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox  
did river tell you to lie to us so we'd feel better 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Listen. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams  
Yes. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
oh ok let's blame it all on me 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
But you did tell me to lie to them. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
I'm just trying to give them some peace of mind. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
they don't need to be stressed out about this, that's our job 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
look i appreciate it but as long as it's not actually fixed we will continue to worry about it 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
it's kinda hard to put a world-eating wormhole out of your mind 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
world-voring 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
RORY PLEASE 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
you brought it up first 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
regret.jpg 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
I think something went wrong, I can't see the picture? 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
do me a favour and educate urself on millennial humour 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
ANYWAY is there anything we can do at all? 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
unless you happen to suddenly be a dark energy expert, no. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
the doctor and i are just gonna have to be extra clever and figure something out 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
I mean. There is that other option. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
no. that's not an option 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
It could work. It will probably work. 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
absolutely not. I'm not risking them like that 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
"them"?? you mean me and rory?? 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
it doesn't matter bc we're not doing it 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
River, you know I hate asking for help, but we really do need it this time. 

john smith @madmaninabox  
in reply to @impossiblepond, @rorywilliams, @sistercantica  
And this is the only reliable way to get it. 

Amy Pond @impossiblepond  
in reply to @rorywilliams, @madmaninabox, @sistercantica  
CAN BOTH OF U STOP BEING SO CRYPTIC 

the only water in the forest @sistercantica  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @rorywilliams, @impossiblepond  
ok, emergency family meeting at your house 

Rory Williams @rorywilliams  
in reply to @madmaninabox, @impossiblepond, @sistercantica  
well, that's ominous 

 

justaventblog:

> grantpeters:
>
>> spacesapphic:
>>
>>> nurseproblems:
>>>
>>>> you know your life has been mental when you're faced with the prospect of dying and your main thought is 'god i hope no one will discover my tumblr blog after i'm dead'
>>> 
>>> i mean that's reasonable
>> 
>> i live in fear of ppl discovering my blog each and every day, don't need to be dying for that
> 
> ur not truly a tumblr user if ur not also deeply ashamed of being a tumblr user

source: nurseproblems  #are we not gonna talk about OP saying they're gonna die or??  
 **2,890 notes**

 

 

nurseproblems:

> spacesapphic:
>
>> nurseproblems:
>>
>>> spacesapphic:
>>>
>>>> nurseproblems:
>>>>
>>>>> spacesapphic:
>>>>>
>>>>>> hold UP @nurseproblems what did u mean ur 'faced with the prospect of dying'??? u ok???
>>>>> 
>>>>> oh, you know how it is
>>>> 
>>>> no?????
>>> 
>>> same old, same old haha
>> 
>> what??????
> 
> life just be like that sometimes

source: nurseproblems  #i mean #mood tbh #but also u ok dude  
 **74 notes**

 

 

spacesapphic:

> freeeeeshavacado:
>
>> lokitrashforever:
>>
>>> prequelmemester:
>>>
>>>> iceinherheart-kissonherlips:
>>>>
>>>>> prequelmemester:
>>>>>
>>>>>> ok realtalk does anyone actually know @nurseproblems irl or like.... on twitter or somewhere else im kinda worried :\ 
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> like it's been a few days since i've seen him online...... and he made that weird post about dying..... like im just concerned
>>>>> 
>>>>> im sure he's fine, he didn't post daily to begin with. and he makes weird comments like that all the time
>>>> 
>>>> i guesssssss but i dunno. i sent him some messages and he hasn't replied either. just wanna know if he's ok :\\\\\\\ seriously does no one know him irl??
>>> 
>>> chill, let the dude have his privacy
>> 
>> y'all acting like nurseproblems isn't some sort of elaborate social experiment. probably set up by one of the sprouse brothers. like the shit about his crminal daughter and his weird son-in-law?? literally everything on that blog is bullshit
> 
> man don't say that

source: prequelmemester  #i just wanna know if he's ok  
 **38 notes**

 

 

spacesapphic:

> i-thot-not:
>
>> spacesapphic:
>>
>>> spacesapphic:
>>>
>>>> ppl keep saying nurseproblems isn't real..... that it's all a joke.... but i cannot accept that. he's real and i trust him
>>> 
>>> if nurseproblems isn't real then WHAT is the POINT of LIFE
>> 
>> it's dumb fake blog get over it

source: spacesapphic  #HE'S REAL AND I LOVE HIM  
 **24 notes**  


 

 

spacesapphic:

> lokitrashforever:
>
>> prequelmemester:
>>
>>> lokitrashforever:
>>>
>>>> grantpeters:
>>>>
>>>>> nurseproblems Discourse is getting intense.... my money is on fake fwiw
>>>> 
>>>> nurseproblems is real and he gave me a blowjob behind arby's
>>> 
>>> ok 1) that's v disrespectful and 2) p sure nurseproblems is british, he's mentioned british politicians and the NHS several times
>> 
>> nurseproblems is a real lad and he gave me a cheekie blowie behind nandos, the absolute ledge
> 
> u know what it's time for this website to die

source: grantpeters  #thanks i hate it  
 **201 notes**  


 

 

spacesapphic:

> swampwitches-united:
>
>> admit it y'all only want nurseproblems and all his stories to be real bc ur thirsty lesbians who wanna bang his hot daughter

source: swampwitches-united  #called tf out!!!  
 **97 notes**  


 

 

prequelmemester:

> spacesapphic:
>
>> smol-lesbean:
>>
>>> prequelmemester:
>>>
>>>> how do we even know his daughter is hot tho 
>>> 
>>> she's a vigilante criminal, that's hot by default
>> 
>> all girls hot
> 
> both valid points, don't know why i even asked

source: prequelmemester  #still waiting for her to Carol me #pls i am so lonely and i hate my job so much  
 **55 notes**  


 

 

looktolaluna:

> prideandprejudiceandbisexuals:
>
>> lokitrashforever:
>>
>>> carol2015dirtoddhaynes:
>>>
>>>> spacesapphic:
>>>>
>>>>> threebabiesinatrenchcoat:
>>>>>
>>>>>> spacesapphic:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> all jokes aside i do genuinely worry a bit about nurseproblems. WHERE MY BOY AT
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> he dead, rip
>>>>> 
>>>>> c'mon for real
>>>> 
>>>> the aliens took him
>>> 
>>> he's trapped inside the internet, forever screaming but never being heard
>> 
>> that's just twitter
> 
> i swear my english teacher once made that exact joke

source: spacesapphic  #i mean that describes tumblr pretty well too so  
 **342 notes**  


 

 

beepbeepmofo:

> anime-was-a-mistake:
>
>> arealhumanbean:
>>
>>> lesleymayday:
>>>
>>>> grantpeters:
>>>>
>>>>> hey quick question did a big sky portal open above anyone else's city or just mine
>>>> 
>>>> hOLY FUCK
>>> 
>>> UHHHH ENGLAND U OK?? https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-breaking-unexplained-weather-phenomenon-4448992
>> 
>> """WEATHER PHENOMENOM"""" MY ASS I KNOW A GIANT ALIEN SKY PORTAL WHEN I SEE ONE
> 
> ALIENS ARE HERE BITCH FINALLY TAKE ME AWAY BABY

source: grantpeters  #the fuck????  
 **7,456 notes**

 

Trending in the UK Change  
  
#SKYPORTAL  


 

dana loves lana @danadelrey  
i've seen enough superhero movies to know where this is going #SKYPORTAL

hannah @hannahbanana96  
i for one welcome our new alien overlords #SKYPORTAL

Joshua R @everythingisok  
clearly some sort of viral marketing campaign... #SKYPORTAL

kiki "trash lesbian" g @kikigee  
in reply to @everythingisok  
for what, sky 1? lmao #SKYPORTAL

micah @micahhhh  
in reply to @kikigee  
they're gonna open 4 portals in the channel next xD #SKYPORTAL

jeff  @jeff_89  
anyone seen @impossiblepond and @rorywilliams maybe?? 

 

 

iceinherheart-kissonherlips:

> prequelmemester:
>
>> uhhh y'all remember how nurseproblems said the world was gonna end in a week? 
>> 
>> i mean
>> 
>> that was a week ago exactly
> 
> holy _shit_

source: prequelmemester  #FUCK FUCK HE DID SAY THAT #WHAT THE FUCK #legit freaking out here  
 **120 notes**


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